7/01/2009 - Ultra Cuckolds brings you Nicole Moore — Very few women possess a clit that resembles a Chinese fortune cookie; as you can see, Nicole Moore is one of those lucky few. So after a hearty helping of Moo Goo Gai Pan plus some serious conversation about the Ming Dynasty, we checked out was what in store for Nicole. She will be responsible for the lives of many changing according to what we read, including those of two bozos that have an afternoon date with her. Of course, the luckier of the two is the dusky fellow; the lighter-skinned man simply gets to sit and stare as the fortune is injected directly into her sweet little cookie. That's just how that cookie crumbles, my friends, and you'd be wise to remember the lesson learned.

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6/30/2009 - Kick Ass brings you Andy San Dimas — For a long time both geologists and Greek oceanographers have been imploring Andy San Dimas to name a fault line after her. And, like a true porn chick, she's thinking about it, wondering what's in it for her. While Andy mulls her answer, allow us to comment on her natural recesses which she so boldly exposes and offer the risk assessment involved. Obviously one step in that gash (which formerly ran an Amtrak route, by the way) and it's all over for anyone, including guys with 46 inch waists. And that lethal sphincter with just one sneeze at the wrong time looks like it could be a problem as well. In summation, Andy strikes as the kind of girl you'd like to toss around on the davenport, but we wouldn't suggest doing it during an earthquake.

6/27/2009 - Ultra Cuckolds brings you Ally Ann — The thoughts of walking into a bedroom occupied by two naked men with a certain predisposition for sucking phallus brings out in Ally Ann a Pentacostal repertoire of exaggerated body language. Her mouth goes slack, she shakes, she shivers, she quivers. Especially while her ass is being reamed with a stubbly chin. Sometimes she calls out the names Mikey or Silvio but in a foreign tongue. Ally Ann is never sure what will happen or how she'll react, so the thought of placing her in such circumstances is amusing to say the least. Even more amusing is how she gets when she has to wait for her money. Fortunately that hasn't happened yet.

6/25/2009 - Ultra Cuckolds brings you Ally Ann — When Ally Ann first considered entering the ranks of porn performers, the name Alley Oop crossed her mind as a possibility. Unwilling to risk potentially expensive trademark litigation or face cartoon characters in court, however, she settled on the next available name. But Karma even in subtle forms has a way of rearing its ugly head. Now, in fact, Ally has threeways with a variety of San Fernando Valley Neanderthals who often get aroused when downwind from another cave man. That’s the way it must have been back in 10 Million B.C., too, Ally reasons. Guys in leopard skins fagging off with other guys then sending their women folk off to the great crater lake for seafood. Sucking cock works up a hearty appetite.

6/23/2009 - Kick Ass brings you Victoria Lawson — With the invention of the bikini by Jacques Heim and Louis Reard in the late Forties, ass men have constantly fantasized of women slipping off those sexy, abbreviated polka dot bottoms and using their butts as a socio-economic weapon. It's a known fact, and both Freud and Jung conducted studies long before there were even skimpy two piece bathing suits around. Now, had the lovely Victoria Lawson lived in that gaslight era, neither Freud nor Jung would have lived long enough to expound on their theories- thanks to premature heart seizure, probably- and none of us would be as screwed up as we are, both mentally and sexually. Thanks to women like Victoria, whose rectal talents obviously beg for up close observation, there's less of that problem in the 21st century. Okay, who are we kidding? Thoughts of Victoria's ass will be with us all day and may prompt us out of sexual tension to knock off a gas station. At least that's the alibi we'll be offering the cops.